#8 Rewilding: To return to one's natural state

Part 2 - Waking up

I’d like to begin today’s PW newsletter by acknowledging the traditional owners of the country where I get to live and write, the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. I pay my deep respects to their elders past and present, and extend that respect to any Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander readers.

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Waking up

I had just returned from a precious family holiday on Bruny Island in Tasmania. These days, getting the six of us together (plus partners) is rare and feels special.

The time in nature – away from work and back with the tribe – felt significant for all of us. It had been months, maybe even years, since I’d spent extended time in a remote environment. There was suddenly no expectations or obligations. We woke up with no schedule, explored bushwalks and beaches, cooked and ate meals together, and watched MAFS on the couch.

Nuenonne Country, Bruny Island, Tasmania

Conversation was slow and winding, so we went deeper and became more expansive. We talked about changes in career and shifting priorities and the broken state of the world. I could feel my system – after a long period of feeling overwhelmed –beginning to wind down.

When I arrived back in Melbourne, I resented having to amp back up. Alarm, tram, notifications, coffee, outfits, social media, news, screens, emails, drinks, plans. I tried my best to maintain the feeling of calm. I made it a priority to practice daily breathwork to bring my system back down. 

A week later, it was Sunday morning and I was in my bed practising rounds of yogic breath – constricting the back of my throat while breathing out, making sounds like waves in the ocean.

As I released tension, I began to feel sensations in my body I’d never felt before. A particularly strong shaking in my pelvic area, at the base of my spine. It felt like it needed to be released. Like I was holding a difficult yoga position and releasing into the muscle tension felt equal parts good and hard. As I exhaled and surrendered more, something started happening. A release of energy, a moving sensation, travelled up my spine. It forced me to arch my back. My head rolled back and my arms unfurled – all without a conscious thought. I lay on my bed, legs perfectly straight, arms wide. Jesus on the cross came to mind. A spacious, orgasmic feeling washed over my body.

What the hellllllll, I said, feeling equal parts energised and confused.

I spent the rest of the weekend feeling abnormally present and grounded. My mind was no longer occupied by its fast-running commentary of overlapping thoughts. And the energy sensations lingered. Lying at the pool I sensed a shaking sensation in my left hip. Sitting on the tram on the way to work on Monday, I had an urge to sway and circle my hips on the seat. In the office, the fluorescent lights and screens were harsher than usual. I saw wavy visuals when I looked towards the overhead lights. I rubbed my eyes. Is it brighter than usual in here?, I asked my colleagues.

When I got home, I shut my bedroom door, sat on the edge of my bed and closed my eyes. I tuned into the energy I had been trying to ignore all day to get through my tasks. My hips swirled and I stood up, following the sensation with my awareness. My body started moving, more vigorously than before. I swung and stretched into spontaneous yoga poses – rag doll, downward dog, upward dog. Then I was dancing, twirling until I was dizzy, my legs stretching out and feet pointing into the air like I was in a ballet class. I hadn’t moved like that for over 10 years. I laughed – it felt euphoric. What was happening to me?

I sent a text to a relatively new friend of mine, Helly. It had been over six months since we’d spoken.

Helly! How are you? This is a very random text but I feel like you’re the person I need to talk to and I’m so glad we connected. I’m having a bit of an awakening in my body – have tapped into an energy flow through some breathing exercises and now I feel like I have this force that I can tap into that wants to stretch and move my body in different ways. It feels very natural and nice but I’m also feeling like I’ve gone a bit crazy and not sure how to explore it. Can you shed any light on what’s happening?

I met Helly about a year ago at a house party. Our mutual friend had been trying to introduce us since I’d moved to Melbourne. Pooch, you’ve got to meet Helly, you two would get on like a house on fire. As predicted, the connection was immediate. We talked in the corner of the packed living room dancefloor. I can remember the intensity of our eye contact as she told me about her studies in Reiki - a form of energy healing I’d never heard of. I told her about my writing practice. I think we’re going to be friends, she said.

Pooch! What a pleasant surprise. That’s a bit exciting. Sounds like you’re having a kundalini awakening. It’s a dormant powerful energy in the base of your spine that can be stimulated with yoga, breathwork and various other things. You might be psychically opening up a little. Best bet to google kundalini awakening to see if it feels right. It’s a really beautiful thing if it is. People work for years to get there and some people get there by accident. My advice is to tune into what your body needs. You might want to eat different food, sleep more or less, all sorts of different things. Very good to keep grounded, put your feet on some grass or dirt, shower, get some nature in ya. I’m always here if you want to chat or if you want to try a reiki which may help settle things. Let me know how you go with it. Call anytime or come over xx

I reread the text. I had no idea what she was talking about. I googled kundalini awakening and scanned the first few articles that appeared.

I learned that a kundalini awakening is a profound and transformative spiritual experience that involves the awakening of dormant energy at the base of the spine. It is rarely recognised by medical or psychological professionals, and often mistaken for psychosis.

For some, the awakening of kundalini can be a long and gradual process. For others, it happens suddenly. Typically, kundalini is activated by extended engagement with religious or spiritual practices, like meditation, yoga, tantric sex, and breathwork. But it can also be triggered by major life events, traumatic experiences, and by taking entheogenic drugs, like LSD.

While the symptoms vary person to person, common signs include increased energy in the body that appears to move or become trapped within certain parts; intense waves of bliss and bodily pleasure; out of body experiences and changes in perception; spontaneous adoption of yoga poses or mudras (hand gestures); powerful emotions and relief from negative thoughts; and insights into the true nature of reality.

As I read through the articles, my energy surged. I was part in awe, part still concerned I might be having a psychotic episode. I was entering into territory far more woo-woo than I’d gone before, and something in me was also resistant to this. I might go to yoga, practice breathing exercises, and occasionally refer to myself as a Gemini, but I’ve never identified as a spiritual person. I grew up in an atheist home and the most exposure I’ve had to religion was my year two scripture class.

I also couldn’t deny these articles were almost perfectly describing my new feelings and experiences.

I hesitated, then texted one of the links to my sister.

“I’m having like an energetic awakening btw I need to tell you about it later”.

Keep things chill.

I woke the next day after a chaotic sleep and with a throbbing headache. I’d experienced intense, lucid dreams and felt strange sensations running through my body. Like pins and needles, but along every limb. This energy, whatever it was, was getting stronger and needed to move. My emotions were becoming erratic. What at first felt pleasurable and manageable, was now overwhelming. I could no longer take my awareness away from the energy force and the stretching, pulling and pushing that my body was asking for became more strenuous. Like I was being cracked open.

There was only one way to move forward: continue trusting my body. I told my team I needed to work from home, sparing the Slack channel the finer details (can you imagine). I took regular breaks to move and stretch and be outside. When I left the house, my neck craned towards the sun so the warmth radiated on my cheek. It felt incredible. As I walked towards the park on my street, all the colours and details around me were beautifully bright and vivid. The only thing I can compare the experience to is a psychedelic trip, but I hadn’t taken anything to get there.

I was waking up.

To be continued.

Hello perfect PW readers,

This is part two of three of my Rewilding series. If you liked this piece, I’d recommend reading Part One - Beginning to listen for some background context.

I know this subject matter and style of writing is a little different to my previous essays, which tend to touch on broader societal trends. And while I’m still making sense of this experience that I’m sharing, I hope that by the end of this series there will be something that resonates or has meaning for most readers. Even if that thing is just the power of speaking honestly, even when others may judge or think you sound a bit weird. There are many ways to interpret the human experience – I’ll be speaking about this next time.

Have a lovely week, can’t wait to share more.

Emma / Pooch x

(Also want to give a lil shout out to my sister and editor Yokky B. These newsletters wouldn’t be possible without her.)